Growing up, I wouldn't say that I was one of those girls that dreamed of being a bride. I never really imagined my wedding or my "Prince Charming." I was interested in a lot of things and hoped that I would find someone to share my life with, but I wouldn't say it permeated my everyday thoughts.
So I did the normal things that kids and young adults do--I went to college, I traveled a little, I tried news things and met interesting and exciting people. After all of that, I got a job and settled into single life. I loved it and I really valued being independent, but along the way, something inside me started to change.
Actually-- maybe nothing really changed--maybe certain things just became more obvious. I valued being independent, but I also felt myself starting to be somewhat predictable and at times, stuck in my ways. I liked things the way I liked them and I didn't like to change. It worked for me, but that's because it was just me. I started to realize that if I wanted to share my life with someone in any capacity, I probably needed to ease up in a few areas. I just didn't know how to do that...
Enter Dan--my husband. He is great--kind and thoughtful. Intelligent and caring. We get along great and genuinely enjoy each other's company. When we first started dating I was still working, but now, since we have been married, I am not. I go to school and do some contract work but nothing at all like my past work life. I love it-- it is really perfect for us. Dan's job can be really stressful and when we were both working, it seemed hard to have us both under stress and cranky at the end of the day. Now, just one of us has to be cranky. :)
But remember all the other stuff? The single life, valuing my independence--this new life really tested all of that. Especially when I stopped working and didn't have an income. Please know that Dan would never let me want for anything, so it wasn't about that--it was about being the strong female that I had always been. I feared that was slipping away.
I struggled with that--I thought a lot about going back to work. Not because I wanted to, but because I felt that I should. I felt like a weak female and I didn't like that.
Then--one day, I realized that this is my job. It is my job to be a loving, caring wife to my husband. To relish this time I have at home--to make our house a welcoming and loving place. To make it a CLEAN place. To take pride in dinners and lunches and always having clean clothes. To know that on the weekends we can do exactly what we want to do. After all, Dan loves me unconditionally and goes off to work everyday--this should be easy for me.
Everything doesn't always fall in to place though--sometimes we fall behind, we (mostly I) worry about money, but for right now, this works and I love it. Perhaps what is perfect is that if I decided tomorrow that I wanted to go back to work and spend all day there, Dan would be happy. If I stayed home for the rest of my life, Dan would be happy. Dan is a happy guy. He makes me happy and he makes me want to do things that I would have normally deemed boring or stifling.
Don't get me wrong--I still have plenty of days where I do things for myself and "play," but I love this job I have inside my home. I love that it is stress free. No mad rushes out the door in the morning or weekends lost to housework. Maybe in a year, this won't work for us, or me, anymore. Maybe it all will change--and that will be okay. For now, this works.
I used to think that being independent and strong meant not giving into a stereotype of "housewife." I think I was wrong about all of that--I think being independent means doing what it right for you, for your life and your family, despite what society might say. In fact, I think doing that takes more strength than any 9-5 could ever ask for.
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